It's All Coming Back

Anything in italics is in the past.

Anything in italics with ~ is Jenova talking.

Anything with **** is part of the song.

A small boy, slight of build and pale of skin, shivered in his little corner. Glowing green eyes darted around the room desperately searching for anything, -anything-, which could ease his trembling. But there was nothing in the room. It was just bare stone. Bare cold stone.

Despite the icy breeze dancing around him, he stood up. Rubbing his hands against his arms, hugging himself to conserve whatever little warmth he could generate, he forced himself to head to the only opening the room offered.

A tiny window in the middle of the wall, with no glass to separate his room from the freezing winter cold, only bars to prevent him from escaping should he put his mind to it. It was the strange glint of moonlight on the bars that drew him away from his corner.

Unable to resist, he reached a trembling hand out, then hissed faintly as he withdrew it instantly. He examined the burn on his fingers with an expression akin to betrayal.

~See Sephiroth?~ A voice spoke to him. ~Beauty will lead to nothing but pain~.

Shuddering to himself, he curled into a ball, trying to lose himself to his dreams with the haunting wind singing him to sleep. Yet his eyes lingered on the ice crystals glinting white and silver on the metal bars.

Sephiroth stood by the window, gazing almost wistfully outside. Limber fingers grasped the bars and he gave them a half-hearted yank despite knowing they would not give.

It was summer time. He sighed as a slight breeze came through, a comforting caress on his cheek and cooling as it teased his silver hair before allowing it to fall back to his shoulders.

The sun was almost blinding in its brilliance. There were no clouds in the sapphire sky, save for a couple wisps drifting lazily here and there. Yet another beautiful day. He felt as though they were mocking him.

How long had he been here? He couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t. All his life, he had been stuck in that cramped room. It was either that or in the Lab. He shuddered, the longing to be free coursing through his veins. Frustrated with his helplessness, he struck the wall once, twice. A hairline crack appeared. His hands clenched into fists once more before relaxing.

~No! Crying is for the weak!~ the voice inside his head admonished. ~It is a useless human emotion. It makes you weak. You want to be strong, don’t you?~

To his surprise, he felt them drain away. Blinking, he realised there was nothing left in him save for a coldness that had never existed.

Sephiroth stared into the fire. All these memories, where were they coming from?

He glanced at the young woman sitting across him. She was gazing at the fire as well, seemingly entranced by the dancing flames. He had dismissed her unusual attentiveness and interest to their surroundings as being easily amused. Now, however, he wasn’t too sure.

Was it her? Was she the one triggering all these memories? He studied her further.

Long chestnut bangs fell in soft waves to frame her heart-shaped face. Her features were delicate, displaying her natural shyness while lending her an air of innocence and vulnerability. Her eyes were an unusual shade of green. Not mako green as his though. Instead, it shone with an inner fire, showing her spirit and attentiveness. And there was something else, something that he could not pin-point.

The boy stopped by a ventilation shaft. No panting or heaving of chest attested the fact that he had been running his heart out for the past hour or so.

“Ifalna?”, he called out softly, turning around to face the woman whom he had been leading.

Aeris looked up at him, surprise and shock replacing her usually serene expression. “What did you say?”, she whispered. Her tone was almost a demand, if it weren’t for the obvious disbelief.

The young boy pulled the grill off the ventilation shaft with ease, gesturing to the woman to enter.

~What are you doing?!~ the voice in his head screamed, making him wince slightly. ~Why are you helping them escape?!~

“Sephiroth, are you alright?”, Ifalna asked with concern, reaching out to lightly touch his shoulder. He shuddered slightly at the touch, but welcoming it all the same.

Sephiroth froze. What was this strange warmth? The emotional walls he had built up were threatening to collapse and suffocate him, yet for some strange reason he didn’t mind. The voices, usually so vocal, had fallen silent.

His lack of response didn’t seem to bother the woman though. “Ifalna, I think you should hurry now”, he forced himself to say.

For the first time since the escape, he forced himself to look at the little girl cradled in Ifalna’s arms. Innocent eyes held his, and with a tiny giggle she cooed, “Sephy!”. A tiny hand reached out and grabbed a lock of his silver hair. She giggled again.

He turned his eyes to Ifalna, “You’ll take care of her, won’t you?”. His tone was hopeful and pleading.

Emerald eyes? Sephiroth blinked a moment before focusing his gaze on Aeris. She was still staring at him.

“I can’t. I have to stall them”. As if on cue, footsteps were suddenly audible, a clear warning that their pursuers weren’t too far behind. “Please, go now!”.

Ifalna looked torn, and for a second Sephiroth thought she was going to grab him and pull him along. For a moment, he suddenly wished that she would. However she simply nodded and pulled him in for another hug.

As if sensing something was wrong the little girl in her arms began to scrunch her face up as if to cry. “I won’t let her forget you”, Ifalna promised him, holding back tears of her own.

“Sephy?”. Surprising himself, he hugged the little girl as well, not just to calm her, but also to ease the gnawing feeling in his stomach. She fell silent.

Seeing the plea in Sephiroth’s eyes, Ifalna nodded and entered the shaft. He watched as the woman’s slight figure disappeared into the darkness before carefully placing the grill back. Straightening up, he was astonished to find a tear rolling down his cheek.

For once, the voice in his head was silent. Shrugging it off he ran towards the upcoming footsteps, prepared to do anything to buy the woman and her daughter time to make their escape.

Sephiroth met Aeris’ gaze, unaware that the young woman could see the confusion in his.

“You…”. He couldn’t bear to finish the sentence. I knew you! I –and he choked on this idea- saved you!

A sharp bolt of pain lanced through his mind, causing him to fall forwards onto his knees. He didn’t hear Aeris’ cry of alarm, didn’t hear the sharp clang of her mug hitting the dirt, didn’t hear her rush to his side.

~Sephiroth, my son, you must kill her now! She is a danger to both of us. She is a traitor. She is not worth of the Cetra blood!~

~Are you defying your mother?!~ Jenova’s rage battered at his already fragile mind, the pain shredding and slashing at his thoughts.

“Can’t… mustn’t… bad…”, he whispered. Spots were dancing before his eyes, flashing blue, orange, yellow, red. He closed them.

~How dare you?!~ Her shrill scream of rage deafened him. Even as he instinctively placed his hands over his ears, cradling his head in his arms, he knew his efforts were in vain. ~I did not raise my son to be disobedient! Insolent child!~

“No”, he moaned, “Not bad”. He hardly registered Aeris as she took him in her arms.

~You’re letting her touch you!~ The voice became a shriek of disbelief and disgust.

Forcing his eyes open, his normally cold and unemotional mako eyes flared into an intense green. “Don’t… touch…”, he grunted, trying to pull away from her embrace.

“Sephiroth, is it Jenova again?”, she asked gently, “You can fight her Sephiroth! You can do it. Jenova is evil and you know it”.

~See, son? The Cetra wishes to turn you against your very own mother. What greater evil is there? You must not listen to her!~

The pain in his head intensified, rendering him almost powerless. “No mother, please…”, he begged.

~You’re disobeying your mother! You leave me no choice but to punish you ~ The voice faded, but not the pain. Somewhere in the deep recess of his mind, he could feel ‘it’ trying to rise.

“Sephiroth, it’s going to be ok”, a calm voice assured him. He felt something, –a hand?-, running through his hair, touching the side of his face, telling him that despite everything it will be alright.

His skin tingled whenever her fingers caressed his cheek. And with each stroke, a little bit of the pain left. And a little bit of his past came back.

The fingers stopped, and as he looked up at her he saw her cheeks were tinted pink. Something about her eyes, her beautiful…

A smile graced her coral lips, the blush deepening further. Despite himself, he was entranced by her innocent response. The pain retreated a bit more, and before it could resume its assault on him, he seized her hand. If she was surprised, startled or even frightened of his sudden actions, she didn’t show it.

“Help me, Aeris”. Inwardly he cringed at this show of weakness. He was strong! He didn’t need anyone’s help, and he certainly wouldn’t admit to needing it if he did anyway. So why? Why was he doing this?

She nodded to his plea, no mockery or scorn at his actions marring her expression. A tiny spark of hope flared in his chest. Could it be? Was she really sincere? Or was she just waiting for a chance to truly hurt him?

Subconsciously he started to tense up, and was amazed when her touch brought nothing but warmth. Comforting warmth.

She started to caress it again. He sighed contentedly, “Aeris… you’re just like… your… mother…”.

Sephiroth started at the sudden screech, and shuddered as the pain increased tenfold. Bright lights flashed behind his eyelids as he started doing something he had never done since a child.

~Do you really believe you are worthy for forgiveness? You fool!~ the voice sneered at him, ~Your sins bring you beyond forgiveness. Or have you forgotten?~

There were flames and scorching heat. Running around the place were people; men, women and even children, all trying to help those trapped under buildings or comforting those in pain. The stench of death was everywhere.

Darkness and coldness combined, he was the very image of death. Expression scornful, he leapt into the crowds, the silver of his blade flashing in the moonlight as he slaughtered all he could reach. And for those who ran amok, he took great delight in running them down like game.

~They run like cattle! See, my son? They are not worthy to rule this planet! These weaklings are killing the planet, our planet. The only way they can atone for their sins is to drown the soil with their blood!~

His blood lust went ballistic then and he chuckled. A few seconds after that it escalated into full-fledged laughter, diamond-edged with madness and insanity. All around, people froze.

Yes. He lived for moments like these. These godlike feelings knowing their fates were dependent on his decisions. Yes, this was how it should be.

He cornered off a woman trying to escape. She fell to her knees, pleading, begging him to spare her life. Her life, as well as her unborn child.

“No”, Sephiroth moaned, shaking his head, making his mane of silver and white flash just as his sword flashed. “No mother, no…”.

The tall man knelt down to her, his hand gently cupping her chin so she would look directly into his eyes.

She was suddenly hopeful. Surely he would let her go free. He was not so heartless as to murder a young mother-to-be, was he?

Just as her gaze met his, all she saw was the unnatural glow of Mako in slanted eyes. Her gaze dropped to the smirk on his thin lips, and screamed as Masamune slashed at her vulnerable torso.

Blood and entrails gushed out to drench the soil beneath her. Her eyes, already clouding with the approach of death, ignored her ripped out insides. Instead, she stared at the little red and pink form withering on the ground. Her child of eight months, almost fully formed. Too shocked, she failed to notice the point of the madman’s sword until it was inches away from the infant’s skull.

And then there was laughter, spiralling up to the sky, dissipating in the darkness of the night.

“No… I didn’t want to kill her…”. His breath came in sobs, the ever-present guilt eating away at him.

He felt the presence retreat from his mind, blissfully taking the pain away. He could feel his muscles relax, the tension slipping away with the pain. And as it went, he was made even more aware of Aeris’ arms around him, cradling him in her lap, holding his head against her chest as she kissed him on his forehead.

He could almost make out her whispering, and as the last of the pain vanished, he heard her saying as she ran her fingers through his metallic hair.

She kissed him on his forehead again, causing a sense of relief to course through his tired body. “You’ll be alright”, she told him, “Only through the past can we redeem ourselves”.

He searched her face for any signs of insincerity or lies. Instead, as before, he was met with serenity and honesty. No, this young Cetra was perfect. She would never lie. She would never hurt him. And yet…

Looking down at him, she no longer saw the indifference that used to take permanent residence there. Instead she saw the confusion. The fear. “Not everything in the past is bad, is it?”, she asked gently.

“Do not fight me, Sephiroth! Or would you rather little Aeris here take your place?”.

He lowered his fists, trying to control his anger. He had to, for Aeris’ sake. “You better not hurt her”, he warned.

“Of course. Why should I experiment on her when I have my number one specimen here?”.

Still shuddering, Sephiroth leaned back against the wall, trying to fight off the muscular spasms Hojo’s injections always brought on. His leg was cramping up, and wincing, he tried to stretch it.

As if sensing his thoughts, the near hysterical voice shrilled, “Sephy! SEPHY!!”.

Trying to get to his feet, Sephiroth stumbled, crashing back against the wall. Disorientated, he found his limbs too heavy to move. Helpless, he could not do anything but listen as her cries died down.

Hojo, his thin frame of a body sprawled amongst the metal tables, shattered beakers and test tubes. Just a few feet away were the crushed remains of the spectacles that the crazed scientist always wore.

Sephiroth relaxed his fists, ignoring the blood marring his knuckles. As lab assistants rushed in, grabbing him and pulling him away from the prone body, he didn’t bother to fight back.

I’ll take her away from you Hojo, he promised, you won’t be able to hurt her anymore. I will not let you hurt her anymore.

Jarred from his thoughts, he looked up at Aeris. He could hardly believe she was the little girl from his past. But it was definitely her. He marvelled at how she had managed to retain her innocence and her desire to help others before helping herself, the qualities that had fuelled his desire to protect her.

“Yes?”. Gods, but her voice was so soft, so gentle, so caring. At this moment, he wanted to do nothing but listen to her.

“You… you mentioned Ifalna”. He frowned slightly, wondering why her voice was shaking. A moment later it hit him.

He took her hand in his, took a deep breath, and began the telling of all the memories she had triggered.

And all the time, he started to wonder what could have happened in different circumstances.

Sephiroth failed to notice the shakiness in her tone as he was lost in his thoughts.

“I was beaten for escaping. Hojo was… upset… that you and your mother had escaped and concentrated on me instead. Some of the experiments he did were originally for you, and he told me so. In order to prevent me from attacking back or even escaping he kept me under sedation every day and every night. But later on, when I was eleven or twelve, I just lost it. I just…”.

He drew in a shaky breath. Why was he telling her this? Why was he giving her his past, something that no one else knew?

Something dripped onto his face. Looking up, he was perplexed to see that Aeris’ head was bowed, and tears were flowing down her face. “Why are you crying?”.

“It’s just… I didn’t know. And how could anyone… Sephy…”, she trailed off, not knowing how to explain her feelings.

Hearing her call him by his childhood nickname shattered whatever barrier he had erected and he sat up, awkwardly placing an arm around her shoulders.

“I never thought of you after that night”, he whispered into her hair, “It hurt too much. But it was the one thing that brought comfort. And gave me a reason to join SOLDIER and be the best. The very best”. Pulling her away from him for a moment, he told her quietly, “And at least now I know I have a chance for redemption by saving the Planet’s saviour”.

For a moment, Sephiroth felt as thought he had been transported back to their childhood. “Don’t cry”. He could feel his awkwardness coming on though. Never had he held a crying woman before, and certainly he had no idea how to comfort her.

“Seph, I’m sor…”, she broke off as Sephiroth reached to touch her cheek.

Then, to his and her amazement, he drew her in for a soft kiss. He heard her sigh softly, and he could barely retain one of his own as the softness of her lips sent shivers down his spine, awakening strange and unfamiliar emotions.

Emotions he had kept hidden for so long, it was as though they had never existed. But now, released by the kiss, they gushed back with a vengeance.

All he knew was that a flame was igniting within him, filling his whole being with a fervour that scared him. He could practically feel the golden flames enveloping him and Aeris in the still of the night. The intensity of his emotions shocked him and he was powerless to stop it.

The flower girl, his flower girl, was about to break off the kiss when he started kissing her with more intensity, pulling her closer, wanting so much to feel her warmth.

She blushed crimson and as much as he hated it, he paused, asking her softly, “Are you alright with this?”.

Feeling his hot breath against her ear, she shuddered and he could see the longing in her eyes.

Sephiroth had woken up lying on his back. Up above, the sun was shining through the forest canopy, dappling the clearing in various shades of light. A few puffy clouds drifted across the bright blue sky.

The young man sighed in contentment, almost tempted to shut his eyes and enjoy the rare moment of tranquillity. Was this how Aeris felt like, most of the time? No wonder she was so at peace with herself.

Remembering his companion, he transferred his gaze to the sleeping angel by his side. Her long chestnut hair was spread out on his bare chest as though in embrace. Her head was cradled against his body, arms resting on his chest.

“Beautiful”, he breathed out, reaching out with his free hand to brush some stray strands of her hair away from her face.

Aeris stirred at the motion, then yawned. “Izzit morning yet?”, she asked sleepily. Her hand was lazily tracing the muscles down his torso when she suddenly realised what she was doing and jolted upright, blushing furiously.

“Here”, he offered, draping a previously discarded blanket around her shoulders, aware she was still shy about her state of undress. She kissed him sweetly in thanks.

He paused, his expression clouding over for a moment before forcing himself to say, “Aeris, it is what you wish”.

“It’s not fair”. Hearing the distraught in her voice for the very first time, he turned to face her. She continued, tears threatening to fall. “I don’t want to die, Sephy. Not now. I have so much to do! So much… and we’ve only just realised everything…”.

This wasn’t the Cetra talking, he noted. No wisdom of the Ancients here, just the normal fears of a young woman, knowing her end was near and helpless to do anything about it.

Clasping her shoulders in his strong hands, he forced her to look his way. Softly, so soft she had to strain her ears to hear, he said, “Aeris, I should be the one sorry. If I had not fallen to Jenova, you would never have…”.

Whatever else he might have said was cut off as she pulled his face towards hers, kissing him desperately. He could feel her tears running down her face, and could feel his mingling with hers.

He could not fool himself though. Blaming everything on Jenova was removing the blame from him, and he knew that he should be the one to blame. If only he had never succumbed to the manipulation of that alien. If only…

She hugged him then, her closeness and delicious warmth lending him an almost guilty sense of comfort. “You didn’t do it. Jenova did it”.

And for that moment, in the serenity of the forest, in the arms of the young woman he loved, he could almost believe it.